You're Ed Meat!
by Dextros
Summary: The Eds borrow Sarah’s ball and lose it in the yard of their neighbors-guarded by a dog! Can they get it back?


It was a tranquil day in Peach Creek...in fact, it was a little too tranquil. The Eds sat on Double D's stoop, looking as bored as ever.

EDDY: What do you wanna do?

EDD: I don't know, what do you want to do?

EDDY: I dunno. What do you want to do?

ED: Play catch?

EDD: Why, Ed! That's a good idea!

EDDY: Never thought I'd see the day...

ED: Taint funny, McGee.

EDD: Where are we going to adviserate a ball?

EDDY: Hey! I remember seeing a ball in Sarah's room the last time we were there...

ED: It is Sarah's, Eddy!

EDD: If she returns home without seeing it in her toybox, she'll-

EDDY: Will you two relax?! She's at ballet practice- we'll just 'borrow' it and return it before she gets back!

EDD: But Eddy, what if...ohh, forget it.

EDDY: Atta boy, Double Dee. Just keep your trap shut.

EDD: sigh I know that I will end up regretting having any part in this...

The three went to Ed's house, ran upstairs to Sarah's room, and 'borrowed' the ball sucsesssfully. They played with it outside in a game of catch.

ED: Go long, Double Dee!

Edd backed up until his back was against a white picket fence and he could go no farther. Seeing this, Ed threw the ball with all his might. Edd was fidgeting, hopping from one foot to another and holding out his hands tentatively as the ball went whizzing towards him.

EDD: (muttering) Oh my... Oh,dear...Oh, goodness!

He jumped as high as he could and made a grab for the ball, but it was no use. The ball went sailing over his head and landed behind the white fence.

EDD: UGH!

EDDY: (sarcastically) Good job, Double Dee. Now what are we supposed to do for fun?

EDD: Fun? Forget fun, we have to get Sarah's ball back!

EDDY: Ohh, screw Sarah!

EDD: But Eddy, she'll have our heads if she not only finds out we were in her room, but that we also took her ball without consent!

ED: (simultaneously) Sarah bad for Ed!

EDDY: All RIGHT! Geez! Let's just hop the fence and get the stupid ball back so we can move on with our lives!

He walked over to the white fence, ushered Ed over, and, using Ed's height as leverage, clambered over the white fence.

EDD: But Eddy, that's the-

But it was too late. Eddy was in the yard already. The fence was too high to see what was going on inside, but suddenly a growling noise was heard, followed by Eddy screaming, then a ripping noise.

EDD: -House with the neighbor's guard dog... (to himself) Why do I even bother?

Later, a very beat-up looking Eddy was standing outside the fence with his friends, pondering on how to get the ball back.

EDD: I GOT IT! Follow me, gentlemen!

Edd lead the others to his garage, where he immediantly went to work, obviously inspired with an idea. Ed and Eddy had to wait outside due to, as Edd so delicately put it, "Safety Issues". Some time later, the garage door was opened and Ed and Eddy were allowed inside.

EDDY: Holy mother of pearl!

ED: Well, pluck my feathers and call me Grandma!

EDD: Gentlemen, I give you the FIFI-X30!

ED: It is shiny like a-

EDDY: Yeah, bravo, impressive, blah blah blah. And how's this hunk of junk gonna help us get the ball back?

EDD: In case you haven't noticed, it is a canine-shaped battle-bot, complete with artificial intelligence! It will subdue the beast residing in the cursed yard, allowing us ample time to retrieve the desired object!

EDDY: Niiice. Now how's about saying that in ENGLISH?

EDD: (bluntly) It'll knock out the dog.

EDDY: COOL! Okay, boys! Let's give Cujo here a test drive!

EDD:(muttering) Fifi...

ED: I know you are, but what am I?

EDDY: Ed, shut up.

The Eds went back to the fence with their robot. Edd turned the dog over and set a dial on it's belly indicating various things for the machine to attack to 'Dog'. He then took out a big remote control with various little buttons and joysticks and other pointless things. He pressed the biggest button on the remote;

EDD: FIFI! ATTACK!

A tiny satellite dish appeared above the robot's head, apparenly looking for the closest canine victim. Once the dish rotated 360 degrees, it was retracted back into the dog's head, and the mechanical mutt leaped over the fence with the aid of rocket boosters.

EDDY: Ohh boy! Cujo's gonna murdalize that demonic little...

EDD: No it wont, Eddy! Do you honestly think I'd create a machine that would take the life of another creature? It will simply subdue the dog with a mild sedative.

EDDY: Yeesh, no wonder you named it 'Fifi'...

Once the robot dissapeared behind the fence, the real dog started barking. A commotion ensued as the dogs got into a fight. The sound of grinding metal was heard, followed by a yelp.

EDDY: Ahh, music to my ears!

The yelp was followed by a snarl, more grinding metal noises, and a small explosion.

EDDY:...That's not good.

Edd hoisted himself up to see what was happening behind the fence. He saw the little dog crunching on FIFI-X30's 'neck' like it was a chew toy. The rest of Fifi was scattered about the yard in various parts. Ed and Eddy could guess from the unusually foul words he uttered that the neighbor's dog had won.

ED (gasping) You said-

EDDY (clasping his hand over Ed's mouth) We heard him the first time, Ed!

Later, the Eds were once again sitting outside the fence, still determined to get the ball back.

EDDY: Engenuity, my eye! what Lassie there needs is a good, old-fashioned butt-whoopin'!

He patted Ed's head as he said this.

EDDY: (to Ed) Hey, Lumpy! Go get the ball!

EDD: But Eddy, that dog will murder him!

EDDY: That'll be nothing compared to what Sarah will do to him if she finds out!

ED: Irrational exhuberance!

Ed barrled straight through the fence wall.

EDDY: He's been hanging around you too long, Double Dee.

Edd and Eddy were able to peek inside the fence through the huge hole Ed made running through it. They saw him throwing all caution to the wind and making a run for the ball. He never made it.

ED: AAHHH!

He ran around in circles, the dog latched on to his jacket like a pitbull.

Edd groaned and shook his head in exaspiration while Eddy shouted words of encouragement.

EDDY: Ed, you stupid sonuva... RUN!

Luckily, Ed escaped with his life but not much else. He sat outside on the curb with the tattered remains of his jacket, moping along with his two friends.

EDD: Ohh, it's useless! It's all over. When Sarah finds out what happened, we're dead meat!

EDDY: MEAT! THAT'S IT! Dogs LOVE meat! If we give Odie there a piece of meat, it'll be distracted and will start chowing down, giving us time to get the ball!

EDD: That just might work! But where are we going to find some meat?

One by one, they looked at Ed.

ED: Hullo, Dollie!

They ran into Ed's house and swiped a huge ham his mom made a few days before.

ED: Umm...Eddy? Are you sure my mom will not notice this is missing?

EDDY: Of course not! Now, let's get cracking- Sarah will be home any minute!

They ran back to the yard with the meat.

EDDY: Okay, Double Dee. You do this one.

EDD: Ooohhhhhh no!

EDDY: Come on! Ed and I already took our mauling from Rin-tin-tin, now it's your turn!

Edd sighed and nodded, his morals getting the better of him. He cautiously stepped through the hole Ed made when he charged through it. He waved the ham in front of the angry dog while praying it would take the bait and not him.

EDD: H-h-h-ere p-p-puppy, p-p-puppy, p-p-puppy...n-n-n-nice d-d-doggie!

The dog ran towards him, teeth bared.

EDD: (under his breath) Take this and shove it!

Edd threw the ham in the opposite direction of the ball, then ran towards the ball. The dog took the ham and dragged it out of reach and put it in his doghouse for safekeeping before poor Edd could reach the ball.

EDD: Ohh-

The dog jumped towards him, teeth bared, aiming for his throat.

EDD: AAAHH!

Luckily, the dog caught Edd's hat instead, which he ripped off and started mauling.

Although not wanting to be seen without his hat, things were a diffrent matter when his life was involved. Edd got out of that yard as fast as his short legs could carry him!

Defeated, the Eds were sitting outside the yard. Double Dee wore a cap embroidered with the Barbie logo (definetly NOT his hat of choice, but he wasn't in a position to be picky.)

EDDY: It's over. Sarah is going to find out.

EDD: Well, it was nice knowing you guys.

ED: (singing horribly) Goodbye, is the hardest thing we'll ever have to do! All the love we shared, and the times I had with you!

Edd gave him a look. Eddy was about to make a rude comment when a creaking noise was heard from inside the dog's yard. The screendoor of the backyard's house opened to reveal Nazz.

NAZZ: (to the dog) Here you go! Some nice food for the widdle doggie-poo!

The dog pranced about happily, wagging its tail. Nazz set down it's food, and upon leaving happened to glance at the ball in the grass.

NAZZ: Ohh! Who's ball is this? Probably some kids playing ball outside.

She threw it back over the fence, right next to the Eds.

Before attacking his meal, the dog jumped up and started licking Nazz, bathing her in drool.

NAZZ: Down, DOWN! Yecch!

She walked back towards the house, muttering to herself.

NAZZ: I swear, dog-sitting sucks! Give me a drooling tot anyday, at least they're not as hairy...

The Eds simply stared at the ball in disbelief.

EDDY: Someone up there loves me!

They ran back to Ed's house and carefully replaced the ball in Sarah's toybox. They left Ed's house happy, as Sarah still hadn't returned from ballet practice.

EDDY: Whew! That was a close sha-

The dog stood outside waiting for them, it's leash that had tied it to the backyard severed, it's escape hole being the one Ed made.

EDD: This just hasn't been our day...

EDDY: RUN!

The three boys ran off into the sunset, the dog still chasing them.

END


End file.
